mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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