i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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