you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
