Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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