I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
