Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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