I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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