She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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