i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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