this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Randomize
