you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
