for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Randomize
