Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
