i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
