I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
