Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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