I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you traded sex for a burrito?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
