i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
