Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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