I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
