if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
