toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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