SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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