um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
