Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
