Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my shit smells like andre
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
