You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
