he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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