you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
