from now on my penis is your penis
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
