There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
