youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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