So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
