WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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