apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
