But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize