I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
