last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Come back. Shots need mouths.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
