Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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