I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dear god my vagina.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
