just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
