Redeem this text for a blowjob
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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