Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
