So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
