This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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