The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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