what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
