I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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