i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
