very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
farters have to be the big spoon...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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