it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
