Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize