i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
