He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
