your parents love me but you hate me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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