Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
