Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
