I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think I just sharted jello shots
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