You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Randomize
