If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Is Oprah even human
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
