Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
