mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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