Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
