You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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