Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
