my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
