You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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