I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
