I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
