then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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