I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
