You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize