Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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