Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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