two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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